Из "Книги нонсенса". (Из Эдварда Лира) (Юмористическая поэзия / шуточные стихи)

У  одной  юной  мисс  из  Норфолка
Подбородок  совсем  как  иголка.
       В  день  часа  по  четыре
       Подбородком  на  лире
Эта  мисс  музицирует  ловко.

Старый  фермер  Тобайас  Валле
Слыл  большим  чудаком  на  селе:
       Он  ночною  порой,
       Возвратившись  домой,
Засыпал  у  себя  на  столе.

Молодая  девица  из  Халла
Плясовую  на  флейте  сыграла
       Для  дворовых  свиней
       Доброй  тети  своей.
Вот  смешная  девица  из  Халла!

Некий  старец,  что  был  мне  соседом,
Двадцать  кроликов  съел  за  обедом.
       Подкрепившись,  бедняга  
       Побелел  как  бумага.
Аппетит  ему  больше  неведом.

У  девицы,  живущей  в  Бомбее,
Нос  до  пяток,  и  даже  длиннее.
       Эта  леди,  по  слуху,
       Нанимает  старуху –
Нос  повсюду  таскать  перед  нею.

Наблюдал  старичок  из  Ла-Паса,
Как  жена  его  жарила  мясо.
       Но  случилось  старушке
       На  плиту  для  протушки
Взгромоздить  старичка  из  Ла-Паса.

Захотелось  старушке  из  Того
Посидеть  в  остролисте  немного.
       О  шипы  -  ах,  проклятье!  -
       Изорвав  себе  платье,
Разрыдалась  бедняжка  из  Того.

Некий  джентльмен  с  мыса  Находки –
Обладатель  прожорливой  глотки.
       С  ним  случилась  беда:
       Задохнулся,  когда
Съел  огромное  блюдо  селедки.

Целый  день  старичка  из  Кентукки
Донимали  игривые  внуки.
       Оттого  у  него
       Нет  ребра  одного
И  поломаны  ноги  и  руки.

Как-то  раз  за  одной  юной  леди
В  чаще  леса  погнались  медведи.
       Но  беглянка  устала –
       И…  бедняжки  не  стало.
Ах,  несчастная  юная  леди!

Романтичный  старик  из  Майами
Угощался  на  ланч  пауками.
       Он их ел, запивая
       Чашкой  крепкого  чая,
Этот  старый  гурман  из  Майами.

На  носу  джентльмена  из  Ниццы
Отдыхают  все  здешние  птицы.
       Лишь  пришедшая  ночь
       Прогоняет  их  прочь,
Дав  ему  ненадолго  забыться.

Старичок,  когда  был  еще  мал,
По  случайности  в  чайник  упал,
       А  назад  -  не  сумел.
       Так  внутри  и  сидел
До  тех  пор,  пока  старым  не  стал.

Джентльмен,  что  живет  в  Алабаме,
Носит  шляпу  с  большими  полями.
       Говорит:  «Буду  рад,
       Если  выпадет  град,
Спрятать  всех,  кто  живет  в  Алабаме».

Старичок  по  фамилии  Тротт
Сумасшедшим  недаром  слывет:
       Он  и  ночью,  и  днем
       Пляшет  джигу  с  котом
И  в  цилиндр  наливает  компот.

Жил  старец  в  местечке  одном,
Не  слишком  блиставший  умом –
       Чудак  для  чего-то
       Влезал  на  ворота
С  надетым  на  темя  ведром.

From “A Book of Nonsense”

There was an Old Man with a nose,
Who said, ‘If you choose to suppose
      That my nose is too long,
      You are certainly wrong!’
That remarkable man with a nose.

There was a Young Lady whose chin
Resembled the point of a pin;
      So she had it made sharp,
      And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.

There was an Old Man of Moldavia,
Who had the most curious behaviour;
      For while he was able
      He slept on a table,
That funny Old Man of Moldavia.

There was a Young Lady of Bute,
Who played on a silver-gilt flute;
      She played several jigs
      To her uncle’s white pigs,
That amusing Young Lady of Bute.

There was an Old Person whose habits
Induced him to feed upon rabbits;
      When he’d eaten eighteen
      He turned perfectly green,
Upon which he relinquished those habits.

There was a Young Lady whose nose
Was so long that it reached to her toes;
      So she hired an old lady,
      Whose conduct was steady,
To carry that wonderful nose.

There was an Old Man of Peru,
Who watched his wife making a stew;
      But once by mistake,
      In a stove she did bake
That unfortunate Man of Peru.

There was an Old Lady whose folly
Induced her to sit in a holly;
      Whereupon, by a thorn
      Her dress being torn,
She quickly became melancholy.

There was an Old Man of the South,
Who had an immoderate mouth;
      But in swallowing a dish,
      That was quite full of fish,
He was choked, that Old Man of the South.

There was an Old Person of Chester,
Whom several small children did pester;
      They threw some large stones,
      Which broke most of his bones,
And displeased that Old Person of Chester.

There was a Young Lady of Clare,
Who was sadly pursued by a bear;
      When she found she was tired,
      She abruptly expired,
That unfortunate Lady of Clare.

There was an Old Person of Putney,
Whose food was roast spiders and chutney,
      Which he took with his tea,
      Within sight of the sea,
That romantic Old Person of Putney.

There was an Old Man on whose nose,
Most birds of the air could repose;
      But they all flew away
      At the closing of day,
Which relieved that Old Man and his nose.

There was an Old Man, who when little
Fell casually into a Kettle;
      But, growing too stout,
      He could never get out,
So he passed all his life in that Kettle.

There was an Old Man of Deeside,
Whose Hat was exceedingly wide;
      But he said, ‘Do not fail,
      If it happen to hail,
To come under my Hat at Deeside!’

There was an Old Man on the Border,
Who lived in the utmost disorder;
      He danced with the Cat,
      And made Tea in his Hat,
Which vexed all the folks on the Border.

There was an Old Person of Woking,
Whose mind was perverse and provoking;
      He sat on a rail,
      With his head in a Pail,
That illusive Old Person of Woking.